*NEW* We Wait
Lyrics, piano, and vocals by Kristi Houser
Violin by Chelsea Smith
Cello by Haley Sims
We thrust our hands into the ground
Cracked and broken, hollow
The seeds fall softly in the soil
Mixed with dirt and hope and sorrow
What will happen now?
Only time will tell …
* * *
And we wait for Your rain to fall
On the seeds hidden in the soil
We have labored and toiled,
But only You can bring new life
We wait for the change to come
Cast our eyes to this holy ground
Searching for cracks
Where shoots of green come bursting through
And we wait . . . we wait . . . we wait . . . for You
* * *
You’re the God of every season
The way You work is beyond our reason
Life from death, God, what a mystery
Just because we can’t see You working
Doesn’t mean that nothing’s happening
Some of life’s greatest miracles can’t be seen
So, we wait . . . we wait . . .
Story Behind the Song
1 Corinthians 15:36 (NLT) – When you put a seed into the ground, it doesn’t grow into a plant unless it dies first.
I technically wrote this song to submit to an online art magazine. But the topic “Seeds” resonated with me deeply. I love to garden, and each spring I marvel at how God can take a tiny seed that gives its life to grow something big and beautiful that can be enjoyed by many.
This song isn’t so much about literal seeds that we plant (though it easily could be) but the figurative ones. The seeds that are a sacrifice to plant. The ones we weep over as we bury them in the ground. The ones we cover with prayer, then watch and wait to see what God will grow.
Each year I plant caladium bulbs in my window boxes. I must admit that I feel a little silly watering what appears to just be dirt for a very long time. Sometimes I wonder if there’s really anything at all happening underneath. Still, I just wave to my curious neighbors and keep watering.
Then, at last, cracks in the dirt appear. Soon to follow are the tiny shoots of green. Life from death once again—a miracle that never ceases to amaze me.
This song is for those of you, like me, who are waiting for something. Perhaps you’ve been waiting a long time. Take courage, friend, just because we can’t always see God working doesn’t mean He isn’t. His best work is often done beneath the surface.
*NEW* When the Smoke Clears
Lyrics, piano, and vocals by Kristi Houser
Violin by Chelsea Smith
Cello by Haley Sims
Smoke rises from the rubble
Distant dreams turn to ash and stubble
I lift my eyes, I’m crying out
But not a sound comes from my mouth
Keep going over and over and over and over
All I’ve spent and all I’ve wasted
All the years that came to nothing
All the bitter tears I’ve tasted
I want to move forward but into what?
All I see is this wasteland
* * *
Is there something that I don’t see
In this barrenness inside of me?
Does the emptiness create a space for You to fill?
Is there beauty in a heart that breaks
A newness that awakes
New life that can’t be crushed by human hands?
* * *
When the smoke clears, will I be okay?
Will there be anything left of me?
Will I recognize my own face
When I’m transformed by this pain?
Into the dark, into the stillness
A burst of light dispels the shadows
As peace falls, Your peace falls
I lift my hands in full surrender
Can’t explain the change that’s coming
As peace falls, Your peace falls
* * *
Is there something that I don’t see
In this barrenness inside of me?
Does the emptiness create a space for You to fill?
Is there beauty in a heart that breaks
A newness that awakes
New life that can’t be crushed by human hands?
…When the smoke clears…
Story Behind the Song
This song is for all those who, like me, have found themselves living a life much different from the one they envisioned. As I look over the landscape of my life, I see smoke rising from a host of what I’d call “dead dreams.” Sometimes I get lost in the nothingness I see in front of me, which does indeed feel like a wasteland.
Though this song is definitely pensive, hope also shines through. Even though I may not see anything in front of me, that doesn’t mean that my future is bleak—it just means that I don’t always know what God is up to. God knows that dreams built on faulty foundations cannot stand the test of time. Like it or not, some dreams need to burn so that God can start fresh.
As for me, I choose to keep believing that where I see barrenness, God sees beauty. Where I see emptiness, He sees a place to fill with Himself. What will remain when the smoke clears? …Only time will tell…
Anything
Lyrics, piano, and vocals by Kristi Houser
Violin by Chelsea Smith
Will You take me back to the place we got off track?
Surely there’s a way to find You
The quiet is killing me—Your silence is deafening
I try to hold myself together, but I’m unraveling
* * *
Every time I look in the mirror,
I wonder if there will ever be anything other than pain in my eyes
The weight of the world on my shoulders,
Feelings of failure, the grief of a lifetime,
Just below the surface, and I’d give anything . . .
To just let go . . . Lay my head upon Your chest
Press into You and rest there in Your arms
* * *
But where do we begin?
Will I find You at my end?
Can You put me back together and untangle the mess I’ve made?
* * *
Cause I’d do anything to find You
I’d do anything to find You
* * *
The weight of world on Your shoulders
Despised and rejected, acquainted with sorrow
Pierced for my rebellion, crushed for all my sin
Betrayed and abandoned by the ones You loved
Broken and battered—Your very lifeblood spilled out
So that I could be whole
* * *
Cause You gave everything to find me
You gave everything to find me
Story Behind the Song
“Anything” came straight from a journal entry and captures how I sometimes feel. People expect pain to relate to something—one specific incident or trial you’re going through. It’s much trickier when the pain is nebulous and spans decades of time.
This song isn’t about losing salvation as much as it is about losing fellowship with God—feeling distant, knowing it’s your fault, but not knowing exactly what has happened or when you got off track. Losing fellowship with God is such a subtle thing, that starts with the hardening of the heart and then progresses over time.
For me, that happens when I get frustrated or angry with God, when I get hung up on the things that I can’t understand. Before long, I move from anger to mistrust to self-reliance, a gradual…and very natural….slide downward into the spiral of destruction. And soon I find myself in the state of unraveling that the song describes.
The idea of “pressing in” comes from my dog Jackson. I’ve never met a dog more consumed with needing love. It’s more important to him than food. Often, when I think I’ve loved him enough and pull away, he drops his head and presses into me as if to say, “Don’t stop.” So when I picture myself in the arms of God pressing in, I picture myself saying to God, “Don’t stop.” I want to linger in the perfect rest that comes only from being in the presence of the One who gave it all for me.
So, the song isn’t as depressing as it may sound. It expresses a longing for reconnection with God, a hopefulness based on what I know of Him, and a willingness to allow myself to be open to Him again—even if that means going back to the place where things began to change in our relationship.
The last part of this song comes from Isaiah 53 in the Old Testament. Whenever I question God’s love for me, I’m always drawn back to this passage. It never ceases to amaze me that a passage written hundreds of years before Jesus’ death could so clearly depict what would happen to Him. When I’m reminded that He endured all of these things for me, it’s unthinkable the lengths He went to save me.
2My servant grew up in the Lord’s presence like a tender green shoot,
like a root in dry ground.
There was nothing beautiful or majestic about His appearance,
nothing to attract us to Him.
3 He was despised and rejected—
a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief.
We turned our backs on Him and looked the other way.
He was despised, and we did not care.
4 Yet it was our weaknesses He carried;
it was our sorrows that weighed Him down.
And we thought His troubles were a punishment from God,
a punishment for His own sins!
5 But He was pierced for our rebellion,
crushed for our sins.
He was beaten so we could be whole.
He was whipped so we could be healed.
6 All of us, like sheep, have strayed away.
We have left God’s paths to follow our own.
Yet the Lord laid on Him
the sins of us all.
Isaiah 53:2–6 (NLT)
Do You Dare
Lyrics and piano by Kristi Houser
Guitar and vocals by Abby Patterson
Do you dare to turn the page, dare to read another word?
Does it make you feel afraid that I’m speaking to you now?
You know that I am with you; you sense it in your heart
You can feel my Spirit moving; are you brave enough to start
Believing that this life is much more than it seems?
Close your eyes and you will find that what you seek is Me
* * *
I am a Fire that burns away your shame
I am a Flood that sweeps away your pain
I am a Storm that rips apart these worthless things
I am a Wind that drives you to your knees
* * *
Will you look into the mirror? Do you really want to see?
There is no use pretending; you cannot hide from Me
My words are like a sharpened sword that cut right through your bones
But My love for you is endless, like none you’ve ever known
I’ve offered you the gift of life; it is right within your grasp
The only thing you have to do is look to Me and ask
* * *
And I’ll come like a Fire and burn away your shame
I’ll come like a Flood and sweep away your pain
I’ll come like a Storm and rip apart these worthless things
I’ll come like a Wind and drive you to your knees
I am a Fire…I’ll burn away your shame
I am a Flood…I’ll sweep away your pain
I am a Storm…I’ll rip apart these worthless things
I am a Wind…I’ll meet you on your knees
* * *
Will you keep Me waiting?
Will you put the book away?
Will you return tomorrow?
Or will you hear My voice today?
Story Behind the Song
“Do You Dare” almost didn’t make the cut for this album. As one of my older songs, I hadn’t played it in years. But I had some extra time with the piano I was borrowing, so I just recorded it for fun. When my friend Abby heard it, she loved it! The guitar layer she added injected new life into the song, and then, since she liked it so much, I asked her to sing it. The resulting song was more amazing than I could have ever imagined.
I don’t remember the circumstances surrounding the writing of this song, though I’m sure I could scavenge through old journals and figure it out. But the meaning, regardless of what was happening then, still holds true today.
The Word of God is alive and powerful. The Bible describes itself as sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. God’s Word exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before His eyes, and He is the one to whom we are accountable (Hebrews 4: 12 – 13).
This song details how God uses His Word to probe deep into our hearts. The God we encounter in the Bible doesn’t force Himself upon anyone. He invites, He pursues, He loves, He waits. But those who accept His invitation find that His love is fierce, consuming every worthless thing that has taken residence in our hearts. He wants us for Himself alone. He wants you for Himself alone.
I Will Sing
Lyrics and piano by Kristi Houser
Vocals by Jana Woodcock
Violin by Chelsea Smith Cello by Haley Sims
When the darkness closes in, and sorrow is my faithful friend
When no light breaks through the clouds,
I will sing…I will sing…
* * *
When all I know is pain and loss, and my dreams are torn and tossed
When my hope is growing dim,
I will sing…I will sing…
* * *
I will sing of Your faithful love
I will shelter in Your wings
I will sing of Your promises
Even when I cannot see
I will sing this song into the night
As I await the dawn
I will sing this song with all my might
Trusting only who You are
* * *
When all I’ve trusted in has failed, and evil seems to have prevailed
When all around is crumbling,
I will sing…I will sing…
* * *
I will sing of Your faithful love
I will shelter in Your wings
I will sing of Your promises
Even when I cannot see
I will sing this song into the night
As I await the dawn
I will sing this song with all my might
Trusting only who You are
Story Behind the Song
“I Will Sing” is one of my more recent songs. I wrote it during a dark time, more of a dark season really, one that just seemed to go on without end. And just when there seemed to be a glimmer of light, even that was snuffed out.
I’m an avid morning walker. Many times during the year, I walk so early that’s it’s more like nighttime than daytime. I’m quite accustomed to walking by the light of the stars and the moon rather than the sun.
Early one spring morning, I observed something very strange. The birds, which are usually quiet until it’s light outside, began singing before the sun was up. I was so stunned by this behavior that I even took a video—just imagine a pitch-black sky and birds singing!
Those birds taught me a lesson that day. Yes, it was dark outside. But they knew that the daylight was on its way, just around the corner. So, they threw back their heads and sang into the night.
This song is about following the example of the birds, choosing to sing even when all around is darkness, choosing to believe when everything seems upside down, and choosing to trust God that the Day is coming … it’s right around the corner.
Let’s Go There
Lyrics and piano by Kristi Houser
Vocals by Jana Woodcock
Guitar by Abby Patterson
I don’t want to make promises that I can’t keep
After all, I’m only made of clay
But deep in my soul is am emptiness
Only You can see
* * *
Let’s go there
Let’s get to the bottom
Let’s go there
Let’s go there
Let’s dig in deep
What are we waiting for?
* * *
Your love is alive, and I swim in its ocean
The waves of Your grace crash the shore of my heart
And the One who made all the stars
And set them in motion
Is recreating me
* * *
Let’s go there
Let’s get to the bottom
Let’s go there
Let’s go there
Let’s dig in deep
What are we waiting for?
* * *
I long for Your peace, and I’m aching inside
I don’t want to retreat; I’ve got nowhere to hide
I’ve been fighting too long, and it’s taken its toll
I want to step out of the dark
You know me perfectly
Know who I’m supposed to be
And somehow You’re working it out for my good
So crack me wide open; shine Your light deep inside
Let nothing lay hidden now
* * *
Let’s go there
Let’s get to the bottom
Let’s go there
Let’s go there
Let’s dig in deep
What are we waiting for?
* * *
I don’t want to make promises that I can’t keep
Story Behind the Song
“Let’s Go There” was written sometime after the failure of my marriage. Divorce is by far one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced. Normal deaths can be grieved with others, but divorce is like a thousand deaths that can only be grieved by the one living through it.
For the longest time I felt like I was sitting in the rubble of a life that had exploded, or imploded—I’m still not sure which. All I could see around me was devastation, and the timeline of my life, which used to be filled with dreams of family and a future, was now suddenly blank, like a sleight wiped clean. An empty sleight is supposed to be a good thing, right?
Now, years later, I can look back with gratitude, not for the divorce itself, but for the good things that came as a result of it. One of the things that I’m most thankful for is the space and time that God has given me to reflect on my life. It’s as if He hit the pause button, allowing me to dig deep into what went wrong so that I will not repeat the same mistakes in the future.
This song reflects a desire to get to the bottom of the mess, something that can only be done with God’s help. True soul-searching requires us to allow God access to the deepest recesses of our hearts—even when we’re afraid of what we might find there.
Out of the Dark
Lyrics, piano, and vocals by Kristi Houser
Guitar by Abby Patterson
Violin by Chelsea Smith
Another day, another night
Alone I strain, alone I fight
To keep my ahead above the noise
But chaos has my peace destroyed
I cry to You, I call Your name
But is it really all in vain?
* * *
Can You hear me? Do You see?
Can You hear me? Do You see?
* * *
I’m drowning in a sea of grief
With no reprieve and no relief
I cannot hide my brokenness
My shattered heart, a scattered mess
I hold the pieces in my hand
I lift them up and cry to You again . . .
* * *
Can You hear me? Do You see?
Can You hear me? Do You see?
* * *
And now, let hope arise
You call me out of the dark, out of the dark, out of the dark
And now, I come alive
Light bursting into my heart, into my heart, into my heart
And now, let hope arise
You call me out of the dark, out of the dark, out of the dark
And now, I come alive
Light bursting into my heart, into my heart, into my heart
* * *
And You say . . .
Come, just as you are
You’ll find Me waiting here
With open arms
Cast your fears away
The war is over now
It’s okay . . . it’s okay
Story Behind the Song
Even when I was in the middle of writing “Out of the Dark,” I knew it should be the title song of the album. Talk about feeling pressure when you know how important a song is going to be!
Every time I tried to work on the song, it seemed to morph into something different. Some writers carefully plan all the pieces of their works, but the way I write is much more about listening. It’s as if each song already exists in the mind of God, and I just wait until He reveals it to me. I couldn’t imagine how all the pieces would fit together for this song, but they finally did—and beautifully.
For this piece, I wanted the music itself to reflect the content of the words, so you should notice three very distinct sections. The first section should feel hurried and chaotic to reflect a sense of inner turmoil, the second section should feel exciting as God begins to do a healing work, and the third section should feel soothing and settled, as the chaos finally dissipates.
As I consider this song, I’m not sure that any us will ever experience the tranquility of the third section on this side of heaven, at least not fully. But I look forward to the day when I will finally see Jesus face to face, when He welcomes me, tells me the war is over, and assures me that everything is indeed okay.
Rest
Lyrics, piano, and vocals by Kristi Houser
Guitar by Abby Patterson
Violin by Chelsea Smith Cello by Haley Sims
Come to Me, all you weary
All who carry heavy burdens
And I will give you rest
* * *
Take My yoke upon you
I am gentle, I will teach you
For My yoke is easy and My burden light
* * *
You will find rest
You will find rest
You will rest in Me
* * *
You will find rest
You will find rest
You will rest in Me
* * *
Come to Me, all you weary
All who carry heavy burdens
And I will give you rest
Story Behind the Song
“Rest” has come to represent many things to many different people. Not long ago I had the honor of hearing this song played at the funeral of someone I dearly loved. When this person’s spouse heard the song, she knew right away that she wanted it for her husband’s memorial. To her, the song reminded her that her husband was free of his suffering and forever at peace in the arms of God.
This song is adapted from one of my favorite passages of Scripture, Matthew 11: 28–30.
28 Then Jesus said, “Come to Me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you. Let Me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
These verses were the theme verses of my life for many years—not by my choice, but by God’s. Those of you who are believers will understand what I mean when I say that no matter what I read in a book, heard in a sermon, saw quoted somewhere, it always came back to these verses. At times, it was maddening because no matter what I did, I couldn’t escape what God was trying so patiently to teach me.
Anyone who knows me at all knows that I strive for perfection. For many years, I lived by checklists and prided myself in being able to maximize every minute of my time. But, like most perfectionists, no matter what I did, I was plagued by the feelings of “not enough.” Every time I thought I had reached the goal, it seemed the bar was moved even higher.
During that time, my life was a house of cards, only I didn’t know it. I had no idea that if one thing changed, everything would fall to pieces. But God did. And He invited me to do the unthinkable—to stop striving, to find my rest in Him.
Though I may never be “enough” in my own eyes or the eyes of others, none of that matters to God because He is enough.
God’s love is totally unlike our own, love that’s freely given, not earned. That means that God loves His children just as much on our worst days as He does on our best days, and I find tremendous freedom in that kind of love.
So, for my fellow perfectionists out there, think of this song as an invitation. It’s okay to stop striving. Jesus stands ready to give you rest.
Sweet Child of Mine
Lyrics, piano, and vocals by Kristi Houser
Guitar by Abby Patterson
Come to Me, Sweet Child of Mine
Lay your burdens down
I will catch each tear that stains Your face
In the hollow of My hand
* * *
Though you’re weakened by the journey
I will be your resting place
Sit with Me by the River’s edge
Experience My grace
Let the softness of My love enfold Your every fear
Let Me hold you till the morning comes
I will not leave you here . . . O won’t you . . .
* * *
Come to Me, Sweet Child of Mine
Lay your burdens down
I will catch each tear that stains Your face
In the hollow of My hand
* * *
Let My words caress you
Let them heal your aching heart
Let them cleanse your wounds like water
Reaching to the deepest part
No one knows you better, though I will not demand
Still I long for you to trust Me
So my invitation stands . . .for you to . . .
* * *
Come to Me, Sweet Child of Mine
Lay your burdens down
I will catch each tear that stains Your face
In the hollow of My hand
Story Behind the Song
I actually wrote “Sweet Child of Mine” as a comfort to someone else. But over the years I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat at my own piano with tears streaming down my face as God used this song to minister to me.
Psalm 56:8 says, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” (NLT)
Of all the “gods” in the world that are worshiped by men, only One tenderly keeps record of our tears. The true God isn’t distant and unconcerned about His children. He’s familiar with them intimately. Consider this . . .
- The very hairs on your head are numbered (Luke 12:7).
- God knows everything about you. He made you and saw you before you were even born (Psalm 139).
- God will never forget you. He’s written your name on the palms of His hands (Isaiah 49:16).
I don’t know what you’re going through today, but this song may very well have been intended for you, too. If you listen carefully, you’ll hear the invitation. The God of the universe sees you, knows you completely, and cares about you with the tender love of a Father. He longs to comfort you today. Will you let Him?
The Gallant Rescue
Lyrics, piano, and vocals by Kristi Houser
Guitar by Abby Patterson
I was lost without a hope
There was no one around
Still I voiced my cry into the night
Waiting to be found
* * *
It wasn’t long before I realized
That these things that I feel
Are just a window to another life—
A life that is real
* * *
And You reach, You reach for me
A steady hand to guide my wandering heart
And I know this is more than a dream
* * *
A life more real than the air I breathe
Or anything that I’ve known
A place that calls me from distant dreams
Come home, child, come home
* * *
And You reach, You reach for me
A steady hand to guide my wandering heart
And I know this is more than a dream
* * *
You say my name, and I can see
For the first time the One who carried me
From the dark, lonely place long ago
Story Behind the Song
“The Gallant Rescue” depicts the way God pursues and rescues each of His children. He rescued me as a teenager. Deeply alone and confused, I tried desperately to fill the emptiness, but everything I tried only left me emptier still. At my lowest point, I cried out to God, saying, “If You’re real, do something.” That was literally all I prayed, nothing big or fancy—just five simple words.
Little did I expect God to answer my prayer, much less intervene in my life, but He did. He allowed me to be caught in the double life I’d been living. He exposed all that I’d so carefully hidden, and He did it in such a way that I couldn’t deny that it was Him. He taught me two things through that experience—that He is real and that He cares about me.
Psalm 18: 6–19 (NLT)
6 But in my distress I cried out to the Lord;
yes, I prayed to my God for help.
He heard me from His sanctuary;
my cry to Him reached His ears.
7 Then the earth quaked and trembled.
The foundations of the mountains shook;
they quaked because of His anger.
8 Smoke poured from His nostrils;
fierce flames leaped from His mouth.
Glowing coals blazed forth from Him.
9 He opened the heavens and came down;
dark storm clouds were beneath His feet.
10 Mounted on a mighty angelic being, He flew,
soaring on the wings of the wind.
11 He shrouded Himself in darkness,
veiling His approach with dark rain clouds.
12 Thick clouds shielded the brightness around Him
and rained down hail and burning coals.
13 The Lord thundered from heaven;
the voice of the Most High resounded
amid the hail and burning coals.
14 He shot His arrows and scattered His enemies;
great bolts of lightning flashed, and they were confused.
15 Then at Your command, O Lord,
at the blast of Your breath,
the bottom of the sea could be seen,
and the foundations of the earth were laid bare.
16 He reached down from heaven and rescued me;
He drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemies,
from those who hated me and were too strong for me.
18 They attacked me at a moment when I was in distress,
but the Lord supported me.
19 He led me to a place of safety;
He rescued me because He delights in me.
As a writer, I’ve always loved the imagery used in this Psalm—of a God who rides the stormy winds, comes to my defense, and reaches down to take hold of me and lift me to safety. I can’t imagine a rescue more bold and daring! And this is the picture of what God does for every person who places faith in Him for salvation—He snatches them from the darkest pit, right from the clutches of the Enemy, and brings them to a place of safety with Him forever.
Those who’ve been rescued become acutely aware that there’s more to life than just what we can see with our physical eyes. There’s a spiritual world that can only be discerned by those who are spiritually alive. And though God’s children love their homes here on earth, they also long for a place they’ve never been—their eternal home in heaven.
When I Call
Lyrics, piano, and vocals by Kristi Houser
Violin by Chelsea Smith
I knew falling for You never made sense at all
I’ve spent so many days, waiting for You to come for me
But all of the bridges were burned
The light that You left has grown dim
I’m still standing here where You left me
I call out Your name in the night
I scream at the top of my lungs
Believing that somehow You still hear me
Do you still hear me?
* * *
I’ve been here for so long—don’t know what I should do
I’ve tried so hard to be strong
But I’m nothing without You
You were the best part of me
Though I did not think it was true
Thought I could survive if You left me
Now I’ve got nowhere else to turn
No one but myself left to blame
But I’ve got to believe that You still hear me
Can You still hear me?
* * *
Then out of the shadows You come
Your light bursting into a flame
I can hardly believe that You found me here
You sweep me up off of my feet
And carry me close to Your heart
Gently reminding—You still hear me
You always hear me when I call
Story Behind the Song
At first glance, “When I Call” may appear to be about another person. It isn’t. This song, too, is about God. It’s about those times when we say to God, “I’ve got this” and take things into our own hands. And, rather than fighting our poor decision-making, God allows us to go it alone.
In His kindness, He leaves us a light and provides whatever guidance we’re willing to accept. But then He leaves us to our own devices, all the while waiting for the moment we will inevitably need His help.
We serve a God that never says, “I told you so,” even though He would be perfectly in His right to do so. He comes to our rescue again and again and again. Such is His great love for His children.
When My Mind Wanders
Lyrics by Jessie Smith
Piano and vocals by Kristi Houser
When my mind wanders, and I don’t know what to do
Show me, Lord, how to live for You
When my mind wanders, and I find it hard to see,
Let Your Word be the light that guides me
* * *
When my mind wanders and fear is at the door
Teach me, Lord, how to fear no more
When my mind wanders, and darkness surrounds,
Deep inside, may Your peace and joy be found
* * *
When my mind wanders and I feel all alone,
Tell me that I am Yours, and I am known
When my mind wanders, and I find it hard to stand,
Won’t You pick me up and carry me again
* * *
Let Your love, grace, and mercy forever ring true
When my mind wanders, Lord,
When my mind wanders, Lord, When my mind wanders, Lord
Let it wander to You
Story Behind the Song
“When My Mind Wanders” was adapted from a journal entry written by my good friend Jessie Smith. A couple summers ago, we were in a Bible study together, and she kept bringing up this phrase in our discussions. Later, when she developed her idea into a complete poem, I asked if I could have a copy. Then as a surprise for her 30th birthday, I turned her poem into a song. Since she’s one of my biggest fans, I included two piano interludes. The resulting song was quite beautiful. I asked her to write the introduction for this song.
Here’s what she wrote. . .
“A bit of background…I have always had trouble with my thoughts. For most of my life, I have been a prisoner of my own mind. Trapped in a vicious cycle where my heart fed my mind and my mind, in turn, fed my heart. My mental and emotional state were a wreck. I was a wreck. After being pursued by God for longer than I realized, I made Christ the Lord of my life in 2018.
In one of my prayers, the phrase “When my mind wanders, let it wander to You” came to me. The words were so perfect that I knew they were a gift from God to me. He was going to rescue me every day from myself if I just gave Him everything. Every thought, I wanted Him to consume. I wanted no room left for the lies of the enemy. My Lord is Lord over all.
So throughout my day, I would pray that simple prayer. When I felt something claw at the edge of my mind and heart that wasn’t right, I’d pray. I began to talk with Him about everything. I realized that even when I was alone, I wasn’t alone. He was with me, and these were times I began to treasure because I knew He was with me.
I mentioned these words in a Bible study with Kristi and several other wonderful women of faith. Kristi’s ears immediately perked up, and she said it sounded like the beginning of a song. I told her that she was free to run with it. She simply replied that it would mean more coming from me.
Many, many months later in 2019, that prayer turned into a poem—just a simple poem that poured out in a matter of minutes. Fast forward a year later to 2020 when I saw the spark ignite in the heart of Kristi, the spark that would give birth to Harvesting Joy Music. I sent her my poem with complete freedom to do whatever she heard.
Months later, she surprised me with the best gift anyone could have given me for my 30th birthday, a song. My poem, my prayer, had been turned into a beautiful song, one more beautiful than I ever even dared to imagine.
I look back over this 2 year process and see how God plants an idea, a vision, and even a simple phrase in the hearts of His children, bringing it to fruition in His own perfect timing. I pray that this song resonates with you, with the struggles you may have—that we all have—with our wandering hearts and minds. I also pray that you would know that the Lord is able to do everything mentioned in the song and abundantly more. He is able to save us from the very pit of our living hell and give us abundant joy and freedom instead.”
Isaiah 26:3 (NLT)
You will keep in perfect peace
all who trust in You,
all whose thoughts are fixed on You!
White Flag
Lyrics, piano, and vocals by Kristi Houser
Guitar by Abby Patterson
Do You see me?
Are You with me still?
It’s gotten pretty quiet where I am
If I lifted up my head, would You look me in the eye?
If I lifted up my arms, would You hold me as I cry?
If I offered You this white flag, would You meet me on my knees?
Would You utter words of solace to me?
* * *
I need to know that everything You’ve said to me is true.
Oh, to be everything You’ve wanted is my dream
So please meet me in my weakness
Let Your strength become my own
And even when I can’t see…I need to know
* * *
Would You cut these cords of silence and lift this heaviness?
Would You put Your beat inside my heart and trade this stone for flesh?
Would You fill this mouth with laughter?
Teach me to live again?
Revive these dying embers that have fallen from Your hand?
* * *
I need to know that everything You’ve said to me is true.
Oh, to be everything You’ve wanted is my dream
So please meet me in my weakness
Let Your strength become my own
And even when I can’t see…I need to know
…That You’re here now
…and You’ll never leave me alone
…I need to know
Story Behind the Song
“White Flag” expresses both doubt and surrender. As one of my older songs, I don’t remember the exact circumstances surrounding this song, but I’ve found myself in this very same place again and again—probably more times than I’d like to admit.
Several of my songs speak of feeling distant from the Lord. This isn’t because He leaves me, though sometimes that may be what it feels like. It’s usually more because I’ve distanced myself from Him. I can become very disillusioned when things happen that I just don’t understand. And though these are the very times I need to draw close to God, I often do the opposite instead—pulling away when I need Him most.
Eventually, I reach the point of desperation discussed in this song. And, as you can see, even in surrender, the questions still often cloud my faith. I relate to the father in Mark 9:24 who replied to Jesus, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!”
The most beautiful thing about surrender is that no matter how many times I stray and question, I always find God waiting for me with open arms. He is indeed present and listening and wanting for me to turn to Him for help. And when I offer Him my white flag, He stands ready to restore our relationship once again.